you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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