Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
