I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
