My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
