They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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