dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize