I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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