hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
