my mouth tastes like poor choices
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
