I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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