I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
