Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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