that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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