Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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