Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
