even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
