You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
