I wish life had little blips of pornography
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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