is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
