i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
