matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
