I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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