soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my nose is crying tears of wow.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
