New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize