I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
