Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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