It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
