Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
