Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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