Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
