He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
