I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
