i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
its liver damage thursday
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