Are you still at the party or did I leave?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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