All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
