he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
