I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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