she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
