The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
