I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You took a bar mat shot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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