farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
