There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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