She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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