I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
