she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
