Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
