Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
