Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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