i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
