highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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