With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
