Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
