Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
