First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
