So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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