four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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