idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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