Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do herpes really smell.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize