What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
