im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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