??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
