glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
