ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize