Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
