dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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