I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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