the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
