Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
