It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
