I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Farmville is her only friend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
