when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
