You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
