I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
