yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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