No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
