yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize