I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
