I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i dont even know how to be here
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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