Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
