you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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