dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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