FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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