fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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