i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
