remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
