Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
love makes seman taste better
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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