omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
