Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
