You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
