I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
