Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
