I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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