theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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