I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
