I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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