In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
