If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
