The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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