First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
