i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
