maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
