you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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