apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
