My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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