I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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